The Privilege Ladder

In a world where we are constantly comparing ourselves to others, in an effort to determine self-worth, fairness, and validity, we are often faced with a term called Privilege. This term is often defined as a special benefit that a person has that someone else does not.

I didn't learn the term "Privilege" until further into studies in high school, but mostly in college. All I knew, was that I grew up poorer than others. I had a different skin tone and cultural norms than others. I knew I felt something different than others, but I didn't know what the feeling was. It was most pronounced when my parents decided to move us from a public school district to a relatively prestigious suburban school district nearby.

I recalled as a child going to the urban, less-funded public school district yet learning math, science, reading, writing, history, and multitudes of other things from wonderful teachers. I did not realize at the time there was a large difference in resources with each school district. When my mother was able to get a small inheritance from our grandfather who passed, she insisted we purchase a home in a district with "better schools." I thought it the most wonderful thing, as all I've ever known was apartment or townhouse rental living. To have a yard and a garden, I thought, was such an amazing thing. I didn't know that the house that we could afford was one of the tiniest houses in the district - that didn't matter - to have my own room and not share with my brother. I now know that what I had felt at the time was a sense of immense Privilege.

My first days at the new school was something quite jarring to me, and I still remember it to this day. It was when I had my eyes opened to another world in which I never (arguably) belonged. I was thrown in with a group of students whose average everyday Privilege was far elevated beyond mine. In fact, they lived in a world, bought things in a world, that I've frankly never heard of. I recalled one new classmate scoff at me when he asked me (interestingly) if I shopped at Banana Republic. I had no idea what that was. I wore hand-me-downs all my life. The height of fashion was Ked shoes and Levi Jeans in my old school. The chuckles in the room of those privileged enough to buy those things brought me to tears, because it was as if someone suddenly, jarringly exposed how un-privileged I was compared to them, and it was a vulnerability that someone could poke fun about.

I've learned something interesting about Privilege at that moment and that solidified over the years: it requires comparing ourselves with others. And as President Roosevelt once stated: "comparison is the thief of joy." When you grew up without certain privileges, but you didn't know that you didn't have the privilege, you learned to be content and find joy in the things that you have and live in the present moment. The moment you compare yourself to others who have more... is the moment you learn that Privilege is quite different for different groups of people - and it may bring a sense of worth that seems less than.

Often these days, I hear about people talking about equality and fairness - of leveling the playing field of Privilege. I find this interesting, mainly because Privilege is often in the eye of the beholder. What is one person's privilege is usually someone else's dream. For example, though I grew up poor and lived in tiny apartments and rentals and ate canned soups for dinner during difficult financial times, I had a roof over my head and an education. This is vastly greater privilege than other groups of people in the country and the world. I am certainly not as privileged as the boy who bought Banana Republic shirts, and their privilege pales in comparison to the kid whose family owns a yacht and went to private school and has a driver. Privilege is very difficult to equalize or quantify, because in most cases, each person has privileges, regardless of their background, that another person might envy or wish to have.

Another thought example: a person who grows up poor has the privilege of learning how to be resilient and resourceful with very little. They learn courage, determination, and empathy of others in similar plight early on. This gives them a skill that someone with money privilege may not be able to learn as easily.

Again - privilege cannot be easily quantified as this privilege is better that. Everyone's story, background, history is so vastly different. Is it even possible, I wonder, to ever equalize the nuances of humanity in the name of human fairness and human equality in terms of Privilege? It may be why this has been such an elusive and somewhat contentious mission throughout history. I truly believe, we were not all given the privilege of life (the greatest privilege of all) just to live it the same as each other. I believe, we are all given the chance to live different stories and lives and have the opportunity to shape it through different life choices we make. This is why we have such a tapestry of stories, art, novels, philosophies, and other creations throughout history.

I think what we need to strive to do is not necessarily to equalize Privilege, but to embrace parts of the idea that we will all have different sets of Privileges and backgrounds, and to meld each other's different types of strengths to create a better community... To create a kinder community that ebbs and flows with the different strengths of each person's Privilege. To envision a community where the worth of "Privilege" is not solely based on money and resources, but also of character strengths. Although this may mean that some of us may need to work harder than others with a shorter ladder to start our lives, we build a different kind of ladder up the wall... perhaps a more beautiful and stronger ladder, than one that was freely given to someone else. There is still beauty in this journey, and we must see it as such - rather than feel that we are a constant victim of our own circumstances.

What we need to teach, and give space to, is to allow the chance for others to build their ladders - and to appreciate their own diverse journey - their own versions of strengths and weaknesses for what it is. It is a difficult art of embracing and understanding biases and at the same time, letting those biases go. For those of us who are healers: We may help them patch or strengthen their ladders along the way and sometimes, we even have the Privilege to ensure that they do not fall off their ladder.

I wish you much joy as you focus on building this ladder of life for yourself, while striving your best not to compare your "worth" to others by focusing on how tall their ladder is, but that you have the opportunity to build it in your own special way... to build your own particular Privileged Story for yourself and to share to your family or even the world in the future.